How Women Read Your Books

I have a book turnoff. Actually, I have several. In fact, I've noted in passing to friends that I can read a guy by his favorite books. To which they said they ALSO read men by their lists of favorite books. Usually, Ayn Rand and Salinger top the list as red flags. I assume anyone who likes The Catcher in the Rye identifies with Holden and god damn if that's pretty much exactly what I don't want to be around. Or someone tells me they like Rand, it's because they think they'd be a fucking John Galt (as if). Lots of feelings about this. Lots of them.

Anyway, I need proof that this is an actual thing that other women do this.

So I asked a bunch of my twenty-something female friends what *their* instant book turnoffs were. Here's what they told me:

Katie: I can't think of the specific name for the book, but a friend's boyfriend used a book for techniques on how to pick-up women. If a guy were to say this, or something along those lines, was his "favorite book", I think I would be looking for an escape pretty quickly. I'm sure some guys turn to these types of "self-help" books for advice (just as many women turn to them), but I think I would be too skeptical that I was being manipulated and that the guy was masking his true personality. Ultimately, if anything tips me off from the start that the guy may be untrustworthy, I won't likely be looking to move forward with a potential relationship.

Anon: For me, it has more to do with *why* the guy likes the book than what book it is he likes. I mean, if he can wax philosophical on Harry Potter, rock on; it's better than having nothing to say about Crime and Punishment. But then, I'm dating a guy who will read the occasional Star Wars novel...Oh, and Twilight is a deal-breaker. I don't care if you're fascinated by it as Mormon propaganda or think it's interesting sociologically because of it's popularity, if that's your favorite book ever, we can never be.

Brandi: I read a ton of stuff, including some pretty ridiculous non-fiction books. I'm turned off by people who say they don't read. Not "I don't read anymore because I've been really busy with school" but just "I don't read" or they say they don't like to read books as though are a genre of music.

Also, anyone who says "Dan Brown" and nothing else. If someone has recently read Dan Brown, that doesn't count because that's just a random snapshot in time and, honestly, I've read some weird/awful shit just because. But beyond that, I don't even care who or what they read. Oh, yeah and professing to *like* Coulter, Limbaugh, Beck and their ilk for non-hilarity reasons is also my cue to peace out on that dude.

Laurenellen: Now, what would turn me off? Probably citing Dan Brown as a favorite author. Call me a literature elitist, but if either Angels and Demons or (worse?) The Da Vinci Code remotely come to mind when I ask you what your favorite book is, you're not trying hard enough. I think reading is a wonderful way to grow the mind and a great escape from "real life," but citing anything by Brown as your fav means that really, you don't read. I'd rather you cite something from your childhood that could actually stir up some passion -- because Hatchet /was/ great -- than to admit in some sort of backwards way that you can only make it 10 feet inside a bookstore before you get bored or scared and buy the nearest book in the biggest display. The least you could have done was pick up The Secret or, like, The Mermaid Chair. Then we could have a conversation about /why/ you were so struck by the text. But Dan Brown's progeny? Nah. You are lazy, semi-allergic to books, and think that your fake knowledge of fake history will impress me (hint: it won't). Worst of all, as a date you reveal that you're not even dorky enough to realize you could have better spent your time watching Indiana Jones.

Anon: I don't know that there are any books that would do this to me, but the following in a profile has: "Books? Hate them, try not to read them. I sometimes read magazines." This was on eHarmony. Not that I doubt the power of Dr. Neil's 29 Dimensions for Everlasting Bliss to overcome nearly every obstacle. But if the man actively *tries* not to read books? Dealbreaker.

Anon:

1) I know not everyone likes a bad joke as much as I do, but how has
nobody said "Mein Kampf"?!

2) "The Stranger" - and other books where the protagonist is a total shit
and they don't care.

3) "On the Road" - that book was stupid

4) "Cunt" by Inga Muscio - that book was stupid AND you're probably lying

Amanda: Agreed on Ayn Rand, Catcher in the Rye (god I hate Holden Caulfield), Dan Brown, Twilight, and not reading at all.

It almost goes without saying, but if the guy's favorite book is the bible, or The Purpose-Driven Life, or any of Dobson's books, etc. - in other words, books indicating that he has beliefs or values that I wildly disagree with - then he's out.

Honestly, if the guy's favorite book isn't sci-fi/fantasy-related, classical literature, or some kind of interesting non-fiction, then I would probably wonder about our compatibility.

Anon: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or anything by Lewis Carroll. They are, in my experience, loved solely by:

--Children under the age of 10
--Angsty teen girls who post heavily photoshopped digicam self-portraits in their livejournals (Hello, me circa 2005)
--Pervy 40 year old men with family issues who are really into being "whimsical".

Yolanda: For me, it's Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I understand it was "beautifully written" but it's child molestation/rape described in sweet words, which some how makes it okay. If a guy said this was his favorite, it would be a definite deal breaker.

Mad: If they name a favorite book that is "fun" but not at all intelligent without a caveat, that's a red flag. Like, if they say Ender's Game or Harry Potter is their favorite book because "it's just fun! I know it's not the most literary answer, but I just couldn't put it down," that's OK. But if they seriously and legitimately say they think Dan Brown's books are the best thing they've ever read, it's just not going to happen between us.

Also, The Catcher in the Rye and other similar books that we read in early high school... I don't know. It's certainly not as bad as Dan Brown, and I wouldn't dismiss them off the bat, but they've gotta show they're capable of original intelligent thought.

Anon: [I]f all their favorite books are "popular" titles like Harry Potter, John Grisham, Twilight, etc. I lose some respect for them.

The biggest turn-off for me, though, is when they say they don't read much and don't list any books at all - or obviously list a few books they read in English in high school and liked okay. For me, not reading at all is worse than reading trash.

Lola: If the dude considers himself "well-read" but doesn't include a single female or poc author in his listing of what that means, it's a big danger sign to me. "Oh, you know, all the greats...Hemingway, Fitzgerald, philosophers like Wittgeinstein..."

I'm not sure how women outside my life or the liberal elite think about books, though. Maybe you should ask some conservative friends. I don't think I have any.