Weirdly enough, socially appropriate phone behavior is something we as a society have not standardized. My roommate and I, in the last two years of our heterosexual roomance, have often joked about our different phone behaviors. My roommate is a bit of a texter. To say that the majority of her social communication occurs through text messages probably isn't too much of an over-statement. For me, texting is something I avoid. I hate texting. I've been referred to in the past as the black hole of text messages, since I rarely even respond to the ones I get. I'm also notoriously bad with voicemail, since my box is almost always full and rather than listen to the messages I do receive, I just call the person back. I imagine it's pretty annoying.
Anyway, I think part of this comes from being raised at a very odd time during the advent of cellphones. I did not have a cell phone growing up and got my first flip phone the summer before college. You know, the free one that came with a plan. I still remember how weird it was to have one at all and seriously, for at least two months, freaked out at the idea that I could...receive calls...at the grocery store. In the cereal aisle. Bizarre.
Now, just six years later, they're completely ubiquitous. You can't function without one and now that they've moved beyond the choice architecture of "Do you want one that can play snake or not?" to include cameras, mp3 players, video projectors (seriously?) and whatever, I'm done. I accept that at 24, I've become a complete technological luddite and have given up on trying to keep up.
But what's fun is realizing that your potential partner may relate to his or her cellphone in ways that are completely alien to you. I can't tell you how many awkward moments in dates have started out with, "So let me show you this new app I downloaded." Hey, hold up, holmes. How about we save that excitement for the third date, huh? Oh, yes, you can look down at my blackberry and call me a hypocrite, but I'm not about to pull that sucker out and start showing off my Pandora stations (they're all pretty much embarrassing, anyway). I actually only pull my cellphone out in social situations if I'm bored. And unfortunately, I interpret the same behavior in others as boredom, too.
Anyway, let's move beyond microsociological shifts in social behavior and move towards date behavior. Like I stated above, my roommate and I relate to our phones in completely different ways. She's a texter. I'm not. I have no social equipment with which to interpret most texts I receive as it is, but I really don't have a clue in how to interpret texts I have received from men in the last two years. "Hey what's up?" is not you asking me out again. It's not telling me you had fun on the last date. Actually, "Hey what's up"--depending on when it's sent--could be sending the message, "Hey, so my date with some other chick fell through, and you're decent enough, so what are you doing RIGHT NOW." Or could just be you asking me what's up. Who knows. But I don't like it. You might as well be sending texts to your grandma for all the good it's going to do you.
But I'm inclined to say this actually will get you a response from plenty of other women. I have no way of knowing. In fact, I have no idea if you can tell how a person relates to their phone without asking and I'm actually clueless as to how you would ascertain such information. I sometimes only realize someone I thought I've known well for years is a serial texter when I'm locked in a room with them for hours, much to my personal horror.
Or, or, or--this is my favorite solution--you stick with calling. You know, when you dial the numbers and hit send and answer when she says, "Hello?" It's old-fashioned, I know, but rarely are your words misinterpreted by the crazy that is female. I mean, I assume you've been reading tips 1-6 now and have gotten the sense that one of the biggest forces men underestimate in dating is the female proclivity to over-analyze every possible gesture (or non-gesture) of men they are interested in. Texts are--whether she's a texter or not--going to be misinterpreted, for good or for bad (well, unless you're texting something like, "you, me, naked, in twenty" which I guess is pretty straight-forward, but hardly recommended). It's hard to misinterpret phone calls. Especially if you say why you're calling. "Hello?" "Hey, it's ___. So I've wanted to know if you're doing anything Thursday? Do you want to see ______ with me?" which is a lot more effective in procuring a date than, "Hey what's up?" Guaranteed.
If I had to dissect this further, the text is less of a clear signal of interest than a call. It's pretty easy to text multiple women all at once and see which one responds, and thus not have to face the prospect of rejection. It's not a bad strategy on your end, but from her end, that's no fun. Moreover, quite a few of my female friends have admitted a double standard in how they relate to texting, thinking male texting to be juvenile and unattractive--and no woman I know over the age of 18 enjoys receiving texts like "LOLROFLCUSOON!"
I'm not against all texting. Sometimes is so gosh darn convenient. "Hey, so the train is late, I'll be there in 20. Sorry!" Texting is useful in conveying information. But it's horrible for conveying interest and feelings. It's abysmal for flirting. It's terrible, especially, for asking women out.
Of course, it *can* work, I'm not saying it can't. But I don't have a texter-mindset. But I'm thinking since you can't tell whether a girl is a texter or not at first glance, or even by the second date, you might want to stick with the old-fashioned way of saying hello.
Anyway, I think part of this comes from being raised at a very odd time during the advent of cellphones. I did not have a cell phone growing up and got my first flip phone the summer before college. You know, the free one that came with a plan. I still remember how weird it was to have one at all and seriously, for at least two months, freaked out at the idea that I could...receive calls...at the grocery store. In the cereal aisle. Bizarre.
Now, just six years later, they're completely ubiquitous. You can't function without one and now that they've moved beyond the choice architecture of "Do you want one that can play snake or not?" to include cameras, mp3 players, video projectors (seriously?) and whatever, I'm done. I accept that at 24, I've become a complete technological luddite and have given up on trying to keep up.
But what's fun is realizing that your potential partner may relate to his or her cellphone in ways that are completely alien to you. I can't tell you how many awkward moments in dates have started out with, "So let me show you this new app I downloaded." Hey, hold up, holmes. How about we save that excitement for the third date, huh? Oh, yes, you can look down at my blackberry and call me a hypocrite, but I'm not about to pull that sucker out and start showing off my Pandora stations (they're all pretty much embarrassing, anyway). I actually only pull my cellphone out in social situations if I'm bored. And unfortunately, I interpret the same behavior in others as boredom, too.
Anyway, let's move beyond microsociological shifts in social behavior and move towards date behavior. Like I stated above, my roommate and I relate to our phones in completely different ways. She's a texter. I'm not. I have no social equipment with which to interpret most texts I receive as it is, but I really don't have a clue in how to interpret texts I have received from men in the last two years. "Hey what's up?" is not you asking me out again. It's not telling me you had fun on the last date. Actually, "Hey what's up"--depending on when it's sent--could be sending the message, "Hey, so my date with some other chick fell through, and you're decent enough, so what are you doing RIGHT NOW." Or could just be you asking me what's up. Who knows. But I don't like it. You might as well be sending texts to your grandma for all the good it's going to do you.
But I'm inclined to say this actually will get you a response from plenty of other women. I have no way of knowing. In fact, I have no idea if you can tell how a person relates to their phone without asking and I'm actually clueless as to how you would ascertain such information. I sometimes only realize someone I thought I've known well for years is a serial texter when I'm locked in a room with them for hours, much to my personal horror.
Or, or, or--this is my favorite solution--you stick with calling. You know, when you dial the numbers and hit send and answer when she says, "Hello?" It's old-fashioned, I know, but rarely are your words misinterpreted by the crazy that is female. I mean, I assume you've been reading tips 1-6 now and have gotten the sense that one of the biggest forces men underestimate in dating is the female proclivity to over-analyze every possible gesture (or non-gesture) of men they are interested in. Texts are--whether she's a texter or not--going to be misinterpreted, for good or for bad (well, unless you're texting something like, "you, me, naked, in twenty" which I guess is pretty straight-forward, but hardly recommended). It's hard to misinterpret phone calls. Especially if you say why you're calling. "Hello?" "Hey, it's ___. So I've wanted to know if you're doing anything Thursday? Do you want to see ______ with me?" which is a lot more effective in procuring a date than, "Hey what's up?" Guaranteed.
If I had to dissect this further, the text is less of a clear signal of interest than a call. It's pretty easy to text multiple women all at once and see which one responds, and thus not have to face the prospect of rejection. It's not a bad strategy on your end, but from her end, that's no fun. Moreover, quite a few of my female friends have admitted a double standard in how they relate to texting, thinking male texting to be juvenile and unattractive--and no woman I know over the age of 18 enjoys receiving texts like "LOLROFLCUSOON!"
I'm not against all texting. Sometimes is so gosh darn convenient. "Hey, so the train is late, I'll be there in 20. Sorry!" Texting is useful in conveying information. But it's horrible for conveying interest and feelings. It's abysmal for flirting. It's terrible, especially, for asking women out.
Of course, it *can* work, I'm not saying it can't. But I don't have a texter-mindset. But I'm thinking since you can't tell whether a girl is a texter or not at first glance, or even by the second date, you might want to stick with the old-fashioned way of saying hello.
"To say that the majority of her social communication occurs through text messages probably isn't too much of an over-statement."
ReplyDeletehahahahaha whaaaaaat. I know I text more than YOU, but it's all relative and I promise you than the majority of people out there (with cell phones) text as much or MORE than me. also, I disagree with the above quote -- I would say the majority of my non-face to face communication is through g-chat, by far.